Thursday, July 17, 2014

Summer Goals

Summer is halfway over and I feel like it's going way too fast! Between added responsibilities at work and taking on other responsibilities in life, I've lost track of making fun moments!

It's like, who am I?

I've decided I need to carpe summer asap. Here's my list of summer goals:

Wear flip flops - what the? I haven't worn flip flops once yet this summer! My feet are demanding freedom from their shoe prisons!

Swim swim swim - I'll be at Lake Michigan soon and I can't wait to dive into that icy cold water and splash away my problems.

Continue watching Big Brother - guys, I don't even care that this is embarrassing. This show is so, so good and it's only on in the summer so it feels very summerish to me. 24 hour surveillance, paranoia, fun personalities, competitions, etc. Oh my gosh, I love this show. If you watch it, let me know - I have so much to say about this season!

Make the dinner from the famous dinner scene in What About Bob - mashed potatoes, corn on the cob ("is this corn hand shucked?"), green salad, ("pile it high and deep - could you get that tomato off there?"), fried chicken "("Leo, do you want the breast?"), biscuits ("great corn, great biscuits, great potatoes"), salt ("I see salt - do you have a salt substitute?")

Make zucchini bread from zucchini I grew in my garden. I was feeling good about the little zucchini I grew until my cousin brought me a zucchini from my aunt and uncle's garden. I'll let you guess which is which. Sigh.

Be outside more. Bike more, walk more, sit outside and watch fireflies in the evening. Doesn't that sound divine?

Experiment with s'mores. Here's what I know makes a good s'more so far (not together, necessarily): Reeses peanut butter cups, nutella, cookie butter from Trader Joe's, strawberry marshmallows, peanut butter. I've tried other candy bars but I forget which... I need to get all this information documented. I can't emphasize enough how important mastering the perfect s'more is for the human race.

Take in the summer smells. I need more summer smells in my life. I am so bored with the smells I've been smelling lately. They're all the same! I need more lake water, sunscreen, bbq's, cut grass, chlorine, and campfires. My nose is craving those smells.

Watch a movie outdoors - I'll be real with you, this almost always sounds better than it is but it's still fun and makes for good memories to live off of in winter.

I'm sure I'll think of more summer goals but for now, this is where I'll start. What about you? What are some things you still want to do this summer?

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Adult Problems

Last night I was laying in bed when I started to feel a little hot. So I kicked off some covers and put my foot out to cool off. I immediately felt vulnerable and pulled it back in.

This often happens where I put my foot out to cool off, start picturing a ghost grabbing it (I'm not kidding), and put it back under the covers for safety.

But last night I started thinking, "why would a ghost grab my foot? why not my arm, which is almost always outside the covers? and what's the point in a ghost touching us at all, anyway? just to remind us who's boss?"

That led to more questioning such as, "do I really think a ghost is going to grab my foot?" (kinda) or am I more worried about a human sneaking in and tickling it? (It happened in real life, people!!)

And really, how are my blankets going to protect me from a serial tickler or a ghost? Some ghosts don't follow the blankets-are-off-limits rule we set for the paranormal (The Grudge, for example.) And a serial tickler could simply lift the covers off.

After a bit of thinking, I decided to be tough and put my foot out again. It felt so vulnerable. I pictured some ghostly fingers gently touching it. Then I reminded myself that I didn't believe ghosts would really do that. OR WOULD THEY!? It was back and forth like this for awhile.

But I'm proud to say I kept my foot out for quite some time. I may have even fallen asleep like that. Though I doubt it.

Since apparently the foot is the ultimate extremity for controlling sleepy time temperature, this is a problem I should really try to get over.

Or is that what the ghosts want me to think?

It's hard being a grown up.

twist: the water was a ghost

Thursday, July 3, 2014


Years ago, I saw a video like this on America's Funniest Videos (or as my nephew calls it: AFV - I am so behind the times). I laughed about it for about five years. It's still one of the funniest things in the world to me. Silly, silly dogs.

Fireworks are amazing but they scare me when done by anyone near me. Only about a million things could go wrong.

I do love them from a distance though. Next to fireflies and UFOs, they're one of the most magical things to light up the night sky.

We used to have to cross the border into Ohio to buy illegal fireworks because most were illegal in Michigan. But now they're legal so we are free to blow off our fingers and get third degree burns like our neighbors to the south.

There's no way I can write a post about fireworks (the only reason I wrote this post was to share the gif of the dog with the Roman Candle) without sharing this clip from Joe Dirt, one of the funniest slash STUPIDEST movies I own:

If you can watch that clip without laughing, we're not friends anymore.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Wednesday Thoughts

This Friday is the 4th of July! Our Independence Day in the US. When I think of people who love America, Ron Swanson is one of the first people that come to mind. He's a fictional character from one of the best shows on tv, Parks and Rec. He loves America, but he hates the government, which is ironic because he's a government employee. He's a libertarian, a red meat lover (when asked if he wanted salad, he responded, "since I am not a rabbit, no I do not."), a carpenter, and has one of the best mustaches since Magnum PI.

Here are some of my favorite Ron Swanson quotes about America (the opinions expressed here don't necessarily reflect the opinions of this blogger):

"The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful."

"America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other 'cultures', use an atlas or a ham radio."

"Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

"Cursing: there is only bad word. Taxes."

"I like Tom. He doesn't do a lot of work around here. He shows zero initiative. He's not a team player. He's never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I'm looking for in a government employee."

 “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.”

 “Child labor laws are ruining this country.”

“When I walked in this morning I saw that the flag was at half mast, I though, ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!’ And then I saw it was Lil’ Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.” (Li'l Sebastian is a miniature horse.) 

Bonus Li'l Sebastian quote: "I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed."

(His museum speech) “Shut up. And look at me. Welcome to Visions of Nature. This room has several paintings in it. Some are big and some are small. People did them and they are here now. I believe after this is over they will be hung in government buildings. Why the government is involved in an art show is beyond me. I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.”  
"This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up and their ideas are terrible and it brings city hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show."
Happy Wednesday and happy Independence Day!

Monday, June 23, 2014


Last night I had an altercation with a wooden gate. As I was shutting it, I walked away from it and it grabbed hold of the back of my ankle and left a huge gash on it. I knew immediately that this was the kind of wound I wouldn't want to see. So I just limp-ran inside, grabbed a wet paper towel and applied pressure.

The pain was intense. I knew it was bleeding profusely and I couldn't bare to look at it. So I didn't, for as long as possible. I just kept applying pressure to it, and switching out the paper towels. When I finally did see it, it was worse than I imagined.

Here's the part where evil people would post a picture of it. But I won't do that because I'm not cruel! I do, however, have a picture of it on my phone so if you want to see it, let me know.

My first thought when I looked at the gash was this:

Guys, here's the thing - it's not THAT bad. I mean, it's gross and it's painful but it's not horrible. It might need stitches but I don't know and I honestly don't think I could survive the process.

One thing this has taught me is that I'm a HUUUUUGE baby when it comes to seeing my own blood. If someone else is bleeding and needs help, I'm ready and able! But seeing my own blood? I can't handle it!

I put a fresh bandage on it this morning and when I went to check on it a little bit ago, it had bled through the bandage and my sock. For about 20 minutes afterward I thought I was either going to throw up or faint.

This is a side of myself I didn't know about. It's not just the blood - it's the pain and the blood. A lethal combination which is turning me into a three year old. (It took five tries for me to spell lethal correctly.)

Is anyone else out there a baby about seeing their own blood?

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Wednesday Thoughts

Yesterday while on Pinterest looking for ideas for Girls Camp (besides fake poop... speaking of which, someone asked me yesterday how I plan on even using the fake poop - the options are so limitless I didn't even know where to begin!), I came across this image:

This just totally baffled me. There were comments under it like, "these are SO cute!" Huh? I just sat there with the most confused look on my face. Why would anyone think writing "Mormon" on their butt was a "cute" idea? Maybe I'm missing something. I sent the image to my friend Jesse to get his reaction. I blocked out his name on this exchange because he has a fake Facebook name because he's in the witness relocation program (oops, I think that was supposed to be a secret). This conversation shows why I shouldn't have brought it to a guy for a reaction, expecting his reaction to match my own:

This morning I started composing my shopping list for camp. It looks something like this:

extra toothbrushes
fake ants
construction paper
monster cutouts
joke underwear for raising up flag pole (??)
hair bands for braiding
fake mice

I'm not going to tell you how old I am but let's just say I'm on the wrong side of 30. And I still think this stuff is hilarious.

In other Wednesday Thoughts, I made a huge mistake yesterday. I got home from work, made some dinner, and thought I'd lay down for a half hour to an hour, tops. I was feeling really sleepy and my allergies were bad. This was around 6:30. When I finally woke up and checked my clock after my nap, it was 11:45!!!!! Suffice it to say the rest of my night was a total mess. I got up at that point and did the dishes, cleaned a bit, showered, watched a Brady Bunch marathon, tried to sleep, couldn't sleep, watched some more Brady Bunch. Thought about how annoying Jan Brady is, pondered which was a better  Brady vacation - Hawaii or Grand Canyon?, decided to write a blog post about that at some point, tried to sleep again, finally fell asleep, woke up a half hour later.

And here I am.

Happy Wednesday!